Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize