if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
