I'm really into asian looking animals
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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