There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
