Duck Duck Cougar?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
