I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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