i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
