we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
