if i can run in heels then i can drive
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
