We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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