I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
