Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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