fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
there is puke in my bra ... again
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