I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
