Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize