Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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