i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
