Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
