david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
