then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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