my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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