It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
