Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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