I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize