dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
