this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
