Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
