I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think people are normalizing furries
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
