the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
did you just send me my own nude
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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