wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
