just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
