She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
