Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
