After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
