I am puke
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
