WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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