no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
