This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he thought i was a dude.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
