The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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