Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
