the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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