She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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