My first STD was from a foam party
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
