May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
