just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize