I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
