i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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