My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
