You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
