problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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