Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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