You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
