I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
