Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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