i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
