So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
