i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
