yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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