I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
