fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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