I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
