he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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