we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
